There are as many training methods out there as there are possible ideas in the minds of billions of humans.? Some of them are possibly nearly correct.? But they all have one thing in common – the need to eventually safely come to a stop and get off the rather large animal who was previously galloping at 50km per hour under low-flying oak trees.? This idea should be introduced to the young horse at a fairly early stage in its development.? Like quite close to the start.? And definately before you try to ride a young stallion out for its first jaunt into the countryside.? There are some things you can forget.? And there are some things that would be a really good idea to remember!
Toto (or The Enchanted) is an ethereal little beast akin to a unicorn.? He glows in the dark in a violety, lilacy, flowery sort of way and looks quite nice in foliage too:
Bless his little cotton socks.
At the time of Toto’s introduction to the bizarre concept of giving a piggy-back to a predatory species of animal I was doing the same thing to several other youngsters for a couple of clients.? Being an individual who can be easily confused I don’t always remember who has learned what and when.? I honestly assumed I had taught him the aids for stop.? After all, he was quite used to being led down the lane to bonk a mare and then led to another field to bonk another one.? I must, at the very least, have said “whoa” at some point.
So, totally oblivious to my omission, and after several sessions of habituating him to the saddle, the mounting block and my weight I decided to go for a bimble down the lane.? At this point I did not have a schooling area other than a round pen which was occupied by a couple of eeny-weeny-teeny Fallabellas.? The ones in the photos are not the ones in the pen but they illustrate the teeny-tinyness of the ones who were.? Their cotton socks must be blessed too.
It went really well to start with.? I got on and let him graze for a bit as we had done many times previously before asking him to walk on.? And off we went.
He is very boingy and we boinged off in the direction of a small green lane system where I knew we would not encounter too many dangerous things.? He was clearly having a good time and was accepting this new experience in his springy little stride.? He knew the voice commands for trot so we had a go at that too.? And trot he did.
Until a shetland mare in the field next to the lane came galloping towards us like a demented fool!? Neighing her little head off and determined to break through the hedge to initiate introductions to this fabulous example of Welsh male-ness.? As a Welsh female I am only too aware of the rarety of this encounter.
I know exacly where she was coming from. Years spent with no suitable mate and all of a sudden your perfect man prances into view and all systems manically kick into gear with no disernable thought for sense nor self-respect.? You leg it towards the focus of your desire totally unconcerned with first impressions in a bid to be noticed.? He noticed!
He noticed at speed!? YEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!? MUMMY!? DO I GET TO SHAG HER!!!? No voice commands needed here to ask for the flat out gallop nor the airs above ground that happened next.? As luck would have it I am totally aware that pulling on the reins at this juncture is pointless so leant forwards and grabbed his headcollar.? We slid to a stop just in time for the mare to decide to “present”.? For the townies who are reading this that means she shoved her pulsating vagina as close to him as she was able.? But since she was the other side of a huge ditch and hedge and electric fence the liaison was doomed.
Not to be deterred Toto whipped round and galloped off in the direction we had come from just as I spotted the old lady from the corner house teetering onto our lane and into the path of a galloping penis.? Since I did not want her to be killed via a heart attack or a flattening and since Toto was now not responding to me climbing along his neck to hoik his head round I did what any brave and intrepid idiot would do.? I jumped off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince yourself that this is actually a good idea.? The only thing that made me do it was the rhumey yet innocent eyes of the 100 year old virgin focussing on her zimmer frame and totally oblivious to the white charger of death and sex.? Thank god I landed running.? Thank god Toto had a huge suprise when I appeared as if by magic and stopped dead in his tracks to blink stupidly at me.? Thank god no-one witnessed it.? (Madame was still blissfully unawares.)? Praise the lord.? Allelulia.? Can you say Amen?? Yes I bloody well can and did.? There are times to be an atheist and there are times to just be spiritually polite.
Obviously I went back to the drawing board and explained to Toto that certain sensations upon the nose mean stop boinging and stop moving.? Stop thinking of your willy and listen.? I ride all my own horses without bits in their mouths which does worry a lot of people but I cannot bring myself to after educating myself as to what actually goes on in the mouth and head of a horse ridden bitted.
However, I may have to work on his go button now too.? He had his first competition the other day.? I am soooooo proud of him.? In the warm-up arena he jumped like a pro.? And I am soooooo embarrassed to admit that he stopped 3 times at the second obstacle resulting in an elimination.
From the sublime to the ridiculous to the proof that a lesson can be learned too well.
Snog his little socks.? Kissy kiss.? Look!? Awwww!? He looks like a scrummy pig.? Pink noseness of love.