7 Best Pooping Styles of the Stabled Horse

While mucking out the stables one morning, I coined a term.  Forensic Poopology – the investigation of what on earth went on here last night!?

Poo in the automatic water feeder.  Why?

A small dollop on the ceiling.  How?  Presumably jettisoned during a particularly frenzied roll.

Another pushed through the bars to the adjoining stall.  Sharing?

Our equine friends have their quirks and idiosyncrasies in all aspects of their lives.  Why should the state of their bedrooms be any different?

Here are my 7 favourites.  

1.  The Washing Machine

On a fast spin.  Swirl that organic matter into the bedding!  

If you think you can do a quick skipping-out, you will be a little frustrated.

The appropriate long-handled tool has yet to be invented to deal with this type of bed.  There exists a mechanical, vibrating device that works well with shavings.  But getting in there with a pair of gloves is less of a faff.

To limit swirled-in nuggets of joy, firmly flatten the straw with the back of a lawn rake.

2.  The High Shelf

This lovely horse makes a shelf of bedding along one wall.  And then defecates on it.  Then layers more bedding on top.  And nestles in her horse eggs.

Why?  I plan on uncovering this mystery.  My current theory is that The High Shelf is simply a sideways version of The Washing Machine.

Luckily, this bed is easy to clean.  Being against the wall, you can just fork it right up.

I had limited success with the above flattening method.  I suspect side-ways forces are greater than roundy-roundy ones.

3.  The Hidden Cache

Straw or shavings.  Or a combination of the two.  

Makes no difference.  I cannot find the poo.

To all intents and purposes, this stall might have been empty all night.  Except the hay has gone.  The bed appears unslept in (and unsoiled).

Don’t be fooled.  

Somehow, this horse manages to get the coprolite under the bed.  And you never know where it is.  You can be as delicate as an archeologist at a dig,  but guaranteed, the one time you use a bit more oomph, you will throw the hidden spoor all over the place.

Back to the gloves, it is.  

4.  The Swimming Pool

There are two types of swimming pool.  One is filled with water.

  • Some horses are hay dunkers
  • Some are head dunkers
  • Some like to put their foot in it
  • Some like to grab the side of the bucket and pull it.  Or throw it over their heads 
  • Some are clumsy and kick it over accidentally
  • Some are silly and kick it over on purpose
  • And others do all the above

The second type?  Well, some horses just pee more than others.

5.  The Wall Flower

This is the guy who pokes his dung through the bars and smears his devil’s dumpings on the wall.

He presses his… he presses his babba-hole against the wall.  Then does his number twos.  Not great for an efficient movement.  But there you go.

The result of this interesting scat style is a neat pile easy to fork up.  The wall is covered in fragrant soil-enhancer.  But I can turn a blind eye.

And re-laying the bed?  Easy peasy.  Leave a foot-wide gap along the chosen wall bedding free.  His own personal toilet.  This guy hardly wastes any bedding at all!

6.  The Construction Worker

Stallions make big piles of gardener’s delight.  And love to sniff ordure.  Turn around.  And poop on the stront.  

Like The Wall Flower, there is zero bedding wastage in this bedroom.  But you will need to be fairly strong.  This is one elephantine evacuation!

7.  The Mighty Devourer

Madame Mange Toute, and she is usually a she, eats it all.  She will start with the hay.  Then the straw.  And if you don’t get in there quick enough she will take a nibble on the only thing remaining.  Her home-made piles of fermented fiber.  

Classy lady.

The discerning owner will get her tested for everything.  But she’s as healthy as a horse.  Just greedy.  And less discerning than her human.

VERY easy to muck out.  There is nothing there!

As if by magic…

Nighttime appears.  Off to bed they go.  

To make new messes to be cleared up again tomorrow.

Now lock-down is over and I can attend social occasions, I introduce myself as Ellie, Forensic Poopologist.  


And a Big Shout Out to:

Patty Jayne from the FaceBook group Overheard at the In Gate for Meadow Muffins.

6 thoughts on “7 Best Pooping Styles of the Stabled Horse”

  1. My Houdini is the easiest. Leave his stable door open and he goes out to pee and poo. His water has been drunk, his hay has gone and he looks like a scarecrow in the morning as he is covered in straw so he does sleep in his stable through the night. Besides he wouldn’t leave his girlfriend nextdoor.

  2. Brilliant! I used to work at a huge stud farm, so have done my fairshare of mucking out…dealt with all these. Always loved a top shelfer though

  3. The stable help LOVE my horse. His stall is always immaculate. He doesn’t dunk his hay because he’s fed in his stall, and his trough is in his paddock. Whatever, the weather, he walks down to the gate of his paddock and poops and pees. They open the paddock gate, scoop, done! All in one place. I understand that pasture horses tend to go poop in (their) one area. He was in pasture until he was 3.5 years old. Perhaps that’s why he deposit’s his poop in one location?

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