What the hell just happened?
All I wanted to do was fill the water trough so the three-year-olds could have fresh water.
The next thing I know, I am waving the hosepipe from side to side and shouting, “All I want is a bit of personal space!!!” while the babies look at me as if I have grown horns and am spewing purple fire. Clearly, “all I want” changes from moment to moment.
The poor buggers have never seen anything like it. I am normally the fun one. I have it on good authority that the youngsters call me Smelly Ellie Horsey Telly.
The only good thing about a mood swing is that it does swing back into place. Leaving you embarrassed and confused. And feeling just a little guilty about a behaviour that was as much a surprise to you as it was to them. And by ‘you’ I mean me. But you probably know exactly where I am coming from too.
BodyLogicMD – Medical Review Board says …
“Menopause rage can be defined as an intense surge of anger or frustration brought on by the hormonal fluctuations associated with this stage of life. This can manifest itself in both verbal and physical forms, such as raised voices, excessive crying or shouting, aggressive behavior, or even violent outbursts. The effects of menopause rage can be damaging since it affects relationships with family and friends.”
And horses.
Menopause can be overwhelming. Anger can well up suddenly. Viciously.
Bad enough when directed at a stirrup leather that refuses to slide onto the bar. Or a headcollar that has turned itself inside out and is now about as easy to solve as a Rubix cube with the stickers on the wrong squares because of a horrible younger sibling who did not have the patience to learn how to do the bloody thing.
Breathe.
But really unfair if an innocent animal gets the brunt of it.
It is important to know you are not going bonkers. This is not in your mind. It is in your body. This is a physical and emotional response to the hormones doing their thing. Or not doing their thing. Bastards.
You are not changing. They are. Still bastards.
1. Do NOT feel guilty
Easier said than done but don’t give yourself extra emotional stress by feeling guilty about something you cannot help. You can do without that. It passes. Believe me. I am a happy little bunny now and no longer a screaming harridan. Whatever the chuff a harridan is.
Bugger! I have to Google harridan now or my brain will not let it lie…
Yep. Definitely not a harridan.
One of the best things you can do is start a sport where you can really go for it and exert yourself.
As equestrians, sufficient exercise is rarely an issue. But we have to be gentle around the horses. The advice seems to be to do boxing, tennis, or something that involves hitting the f*(k out of something.
I don’t advise Doing A Charlotte but what about Olympic-level yard sweeping? I know one woman who smashes things in her basement. Plates, wine bottles (empty, of course).
Bear with me on this next one. It may seem extreme. And I am sure the lady above would disagree with me.
2. Become toxin-free
I have found quitting alcohol has made a profound difference to the stability of my mood. It has certainly helped with mental clarity. I am not saying I can be trusted with remembering a 64-bit password but I generally know where I put my saddle.
And it is not in the fridge.
I was reliably informed that after 3 months alcohol-free I could expect to be getting a better night’s sleep. Although I suspect the test subjects in those studies did not sleep with a randomly incontinent 19-year-old Dachshund and a village-worth of cats.
Quit coffee. Nope. Not yet. Give me a second I have only just quit alcohol.
Quit sugar. I will. Next week. Or the week after that.
3. Practice self-care
We always put the horses, dogs, cats, chickens, tutu-wearing pigs, pet cockerels, etc before ourselves. Now is the time to put our own oxygen mask on first or we won’t make it to the end of the day without grumping at someone.
We need to develop healthy me-me-me habits:
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Deep breathing exercises
- Mindfulness
- Therapy particularly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
I know you want to get straight out of bed in the morning and check everyone is in the correct place with the correct number of legs but hold off for 10 minutes and touch your toes.
It goes something like this …
Day 1 – Get out of bed. Stand with feet shoulder-width apart. Bend at the waist. Wiggle hands in direction of feet. Groan.
Day 2 – Sit on edge of bed with feet shoulder-width apart. Bend at waist and touch feet. Try to sit back up. Groan.
Day 3 – Stay in bed and Google how to do stretching exercises for the bedridden.
4. Maintain adequate nutrition
Eating properly EVERY DAY is essential. And not just properly for an adult human. You have to eat a SHEDLOAD of protein. I had a conversation with international showjumper Louise Morley who is only a month older than me but still has good muscle definition.
Louise advised me to buy whey protein powder. Which I did.
As the writing on the tub was so small and my arms were not long enough to read it I made an error in how much to use.
I was eating triple the recommended dose!
I feel fabulous.
But eating correctly is not just for maintaining muscles. Proper nutrition is essential for managing menopausal rage. It helps to regulate hormone levels.
I will write an article that delves much deeper into the perfect diet for a menopausal equestrian shortly. But it appears The Mediterranean Diet is the one getting all the votes from the internet gurus.
Fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts and seeds, legumes, whole grains, extra virgin olive oil, lean meat and fish.
I see that they forgot to mention cake so I am adjusting that for the sake of correctness.
We have always known that cake is digested in a totally different stomach so is not affected by the normal rules of nutrition.
Arse! I have just read this in another blog about menopause and nutrition …
“Foods high in refined carbohydrates, including those that contain added or ‘free’ sugars, can cause a spike in your blood sugar levels. This is often followed sometime later by a dip or ‘crash’. These kinds of blood sugar crashes can leave you feeling low on energy, irritable and even angry.
To make things worse, they can also cause sugar and carb cravings, leading you to snack on more of the same types of food and repeat the whole process.”
The Better Menopause
That will be a no on the cake front then. Sorry, ladies. I did try.
5. Identify your triggers
“Depression, anxiety, stress, and fatigue are all common triggers that lead to outbursts due to the naturally occurring hormonal imbalance symptoms in women during this time in their lives. Identifying these triggers is essential for managing symptoms associated with menopausal rage more effectively.”
BodyLogicMD – Medical Review Board
I don’t agree with this.
I agree that depression, etc is a cause. But not a trigger. For me, the word ‘trigger’ implies something sudden and immediate that makes you flip out there and then.
Here is a list of my triggers …
- Riders who get off their horses and throw their reins to a groom
- People who don’t unroll a round bale correctly but just hoik out random chunks
- Having my sentences finished for me …………………..….. incorrectly
- Mansplaining. And it is not only men who do this
- People who don’t pay me pleading poverty only to be seen in the supermarket a few days later with a full trolley of booze and cake
- Disrespect in all forms including when I have misunderstood and there was no disrespect other than what I made up in my head
- And lots of other things that I won’t list now because this list is in danger of becoming a trigger
6. Magnesium
Do NOT eat your horse’s magnesium supplement. I know you should not have to be told that. But someone should have warned me. I looked at the huge red bucket of the stuff that cost me about 6 euros and then at the teeny tube that cost more or less the same.
It had to be tried in the interests of science and finances.
F—ing disgusting!
Don’t do it.
As your oestrogen levels drop, so do your magnesium levels. Seven clinical trials found that participants taking magnesium supplements experienced a significant reduction in menopausal anxiety.
7. Go to sleep
Another one that is not as simple as it should be.
“Fatigue resulting from irregular sleep habits may create an overwhelmed feeling leading to angry reactions toward minor annoyances. The hormonal changes experienced during menopause also increase cortisol levels, contributing to a heightened state of stress that can further aggravate other symptoms and potentially lead to outbursts of rage.”
BodyLogicMD – Medical Review Board
Handy tip for those of you just entering the wonderful world of night sweats. Don’t throw the covers off in a dramatic fashion in a bid to cool down because you will be bloody freezing in about 10 seconds.
And when you are freezing don’t wrap yourself back up because you will be sodding sodden in another 10 seconds.
Use your leg.
If it is the one that has Restless Leg Syndrome even better.
Stick it out of the bed to cool down without getting hypothermia and bring it back in as and when necessary. Waving it in the air helps the kicky leg thing a bit too.
Only you can manage your menopausal rage.
Only you can feel what is happening, identify your triggers, and take the steps to rein it in before it takes control of your life.
Only you can create healthy coping strategies to feel in control of your reactions.
But in doing so everyone will benefit from the end of those angry, uncontrollable outbursts.
And why am I directing this article at equestrians? Because menopause does affect how we handle horses.
And we owe it to ourselves and to them to calm the fuck down.
When inconsiderate idiots overtake you on the motorway and immediately pull into your much-needed braking distance you are allowed to rage at them. I am on a mission to educate these misguided souls through a series of bumper stickers. Here is my first attempt. If you want to join my quest, you can buy one by clicking the image below.
And if that is a bit too aggressive for you WATCH THIS SPACE.
More designs to follow.
