Please STOP!
I want to kidnap you and force you to learn to calm down. Just chill, dude.
There is a remarkably stupid tendency humans and other primates, horses, dogs, and most fowl share.
Emotional Contagion.
But before we go any further I want to let you know you don’t have to read this article. You can listen to it instead! Yep! I am a Mare-o-pausal Equestrian is now on Spotify! Click here to listen to my dulcet Welsh tones. But be warned! The swear words have not been beeped out.
And back to Emotional Contagion …
If everyone else is running about like the proverbial headless chicken, then given enough time, you will be doing the same. Talk about being easily led.
Let me give you an example …
One of my clients owns a stud that doubles as a riding school. I suspect he has done this so that he gets slave labour from the young girls who ride there. I assume he won’t read this article since it is aimed at menopausal women.
Plus he does not speak English.
But if he does read it and I lose a client then you, dear reader, will have to start buying shit from my shop so I can afford to stay alive and continue to write these informative articles that improve your life beyond recognition.
Anyway.
This chap is a consummate stresshead.
He rushes about the place shouting at horses and humans alike, misunderstanding questions that trigger him into rapid-fire rants about the stupidity of the person asking the question (but not the one they asked) before storming off and chuntering away to himself – leaving a horde of frightened young ladies in his wake.
Their stress, in turn, triggers them to work like whirling dervishes in their bid to please the almighty master.
But, unfortunately, in their rush to get things right, they make mistakes. The wrong horse gets turned out. Straw gets put where shavings should be. Magda’s foal gets in the kitchen again. Everyone gets even more worked up. Even the ones who have only just arrived.
It is a pandemic in miniature.
I used to get infected by this contagious dis-ease, too, but now I watch. I make silent scientific observations, only interrupted by the scratching of my pen on paper. I still have not mastered taking discreet notes on my phone.
I am the Jane Goodall of the equestrian world.
The only reason I am now impervious to this ridiculous situation is because during menopause I was forced to take action or go mad.
I want to give equestrian women of any age 4 coping strategies they can apply immediately when they find themselves surrounded by panicking nutters. Strategies that will stop them from being infected by stress energy and help maintain their inner peace and calm.
And to do so in the full confidence that they have the moral high ground and it is the other people who need to C.T.F.D. (If you know this acronym, please let us know in the comments.)
I want them to have complete Zen even when in a warm-up ring surrounded by fuckwits who don’t know to pass left to left. And NO! It is not right to right in France anymore. That went out of the window well over a decade ago. And about time too since Napoleon Bonaparte has been dead for —-ing ages.
These four strategies are two DOs and two DON’Ts…
#1 – Breathing – Nature’s Tranquilizer
This one is a DO.
Because if it was a DON’T you might die.
How, as a species, we need to be taught to breathe correctly is beyond me. Even plants can do this without lessons. I only discovered I had been doing it wrong all my life when I learned to sing.
Do horses breathe wrong? No. Of course they don’t. My dog does, though. But only because she insists on sleeping face down on a pillow. She is ancient so can be forgiven her suicidal tendencies.
But for breath to anesthetise you against the crazies who pollute your calm you must use specific rhythms.
I am sure those of you who have spawned offspring will be no strangers to rhythmic breathing. And anything that can work to calm you down when a human head is coming out of your vagina has got to be strong enough to counteract the feelings of panic created by your 17hh warmblood stallion determined to jump the pig-tailed blonde kid on an abnormally clean grey Welshie who insists on riding right to right in the overcrowded arena.
What rhythm you choose depends on who you ask. And to be honest, they all seem to work equally well – the quality of the breath being more important than the pattern chosen. As long as you breathe in slowly, hold it for a bit, and then breathe out again you got it made.
How long you do each bit for is personal so play with it and see what fits. I like to breathe in for 8 seconds … hold for 8 … and breathe out for as long as possible once or twice, followed by in for 4 …hold for 4 … and out for 4. Four times.
But I like the number four.
Breath is a powerful source of energy that manipulates our body and mind. But we can turn this manipulation on its head and use it to our advantage.
You may never have noticed this, but when you are sad, you exhale longer than you inhale. And when you are happy your inhale is longer than your exhale.
Angry people breathe rapidly.
And anxious ones don’t breathe at all. I remember when I used to hold my breath for the whole of a showjumping course and then be bright red and panting as I left the ring. Not a sexy look.
You may think you cannot control your thoughts. But you can. When you control your breath, you control your emotions. And in turn you control your thoughts and your actions.
So while everyone else is allowing themselves to be a puppet to Emotional Contagion you get to calmly watch the show.
Good, innit?
#2 – Respectfully Ignore Them – They Can Own Their Errors
Telling a stress head to calm down is like telling a tree to get out of your way. It ain’t gonna happen.
Telling a whole mob of the emotionally infected is just as pointless. If you have ever worked in an office, a bar, a busy restaurant, a livery yard, or anywhere a group of people CAN get stressed you can guarantee that they WILL.
There must be some sort of physical law governing them.
When a stress bunny is trying to complete a task and panicking, they are not going to listen. You can yell “STOP!” at the top of your lungs, but if they insist a wooden fence post only needs to be buried 3 inches in the ground so they can get that fence up quickly, then just go with it.
DO ignore them.
Unless your horses are going in that field.
Paying no heed to their behaviour or letting them make their own errors is a form of respect. A very basic and very underrated form of respect that is very difficult to show correctly. Especially if you want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them, and ask “What the —k are you doing?”
But we have to trust that they will eventually conclude, on their own, that running around the place like it is on fire is just a stupid way to behave.
Once we have that figured out, we can concentrate on our mental well-being and trust that eventually they will arrive where we are now.
Think of it as leading by example.
#3 – Don’t Rush, Just Do – The Mantra
Thinking about it, this one appears to be both a DO and a DON’T.
I refuse to be rushed.
I move the speed I move and if you don’t like it …
Tough!
It must be noted that working quickly and rushing are two very different things. The second I feel anxiety poking its insidious fingers about in my belly I stop in my tracks and tell myself …
Don’t Rush. Just Do.
My brain fought me on this for a while but I stuck with it. After a couple of weeks of consistently telling myself FIRMLY BUT KINDLY not to rush, my brain caught on to the new rules.
Rushing makes your brain think there is a danger present, and stimulates the sympathetic nervous system so you can deal with the nasty monster about to make you its lunch. Your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol for absolutely no reason.
Scooting about the place does not help complete tasks quicker. It is counter-productive. Plus it becomes normalized so quickly that you are unaware you have turned into a featherless raptor.
And it is never a good idea to rush when working with or around horses as it increases the chances of mistakes and injuries to both horse and human.
Rushing also changes the way your body moves and that changes the way you feel. It also hinders optimal function of various systems in the body such as digestion and the immune system.
Generally, we all need to slow down and complete tasks in a more mindful manner. Just because you are surrounded by idiots making themselves sick does not mean you have to follow suit.
Dare to be a grown-up.
And remember ladies, Don’t Rush! Just Do!
#4 – Multi-tasking – DON’T!
I don’t know who told us doing more than one thing at a time was something to be proud of but that person needs to be added to my growing list of who needs a good slap.
Years ago I was more than capable of doing a million things at once and all tasks would all be completed to a decent level.
This is what I have just been doing …
While the elderly dog was apparently teleporting herself around the farm into ever-increasing dangerous situations I was filling the water butt in a paddock. Since that took a little while I decided to sort out the hay for another paddock but en route to that one I realised the dog (now in the distance) was about to walk off the edge of the path and drop 10 feet. By the time I had retrieved her the water butt was overflowing so I put her down to sort that out and by the time I had pulled the hose to the next butt she had disappeared again.
You have to bear in mind that this is a 19-year-old blind mini dachshund, not a foxhound. It shouldn’t be this hard.
Well, research suggests that multitasking is not good for you. Turns out our brains are not as brilliant at doing multiple things at once as we have all nefariously been led to believe.
I feel conned and vindicated all at once.
Multitasking reduces your ability to focus and increases the likelihood of stress which in turn increases the chances of you suffering from anxiety.
So if you are in the middle of something and are asked to do something else – play the deaf card.
Breathing, focusing, and moving with purpose have some cool side effects, such as improved memory of whether or not you left the water turned on.
When I turn the tap off, close a field gate, or whatever, I look at what I have done and tell myself firmly that I have done it and that I can trust myself that I have done it. Then I move on to the next task. This has the result that if questioned about it later I no longer suffer from overwhelming pangs of self-doubt. Gone are the days of driving back to the front door to check it is closed.
No more worrying if the gas is left on.
And I hardly ever flood a field anymore. Well … um … apart from when Diesel the Dog is with me.
I am a Mono-tasking Diva!
Click the image for I am a Mare-o-pausal Equestrian Merchandise
The horse heads and gas masks are not for sale. I made those on Canva Graphics.
A great read Ellie…. and good point about the breathing! I also have to double check everything I do too!
(Oh, and Calm The F#k Down! )
Thank you, Jo I am really pleased you enjoyed the article and that at least some of it resonated with you.
And YES! You correctly translated the abbreviation!! I would like to say you win a prize but that will have to wait until the blog is making a profit